Today I have had a battle with almost all of my children, can’t really count Liv but she has been challenging these last few weeks. The older three however, have really pushed my buttons. I know that I have probably made a rod for my own back, doing too much for them, I’m a bit of a control freak, but sometimes they are just so bloody ungrateful. Now don’t get me wrong, my teenagers I know could be a lot worse and really we are very lucky but that does not by any stretch mean they are angels. Brogan said I wouldn’t blog about this, but I am as I want people to see the reality of parenting 4 children, 2 teenagers, working part-time and trying to run a house and realising its bloody hard work.
The biggest issue that causes me the most upset and arguments is just how selfish they can be. When they want something, they just presume they are going to get it. Don’t get me wrong we try to do as much for the kids as possible, as we want them to be happy, and we want them to be able to come to us when they need or want anything, but this has slightly backfired on us, and now they just expect. No consideration for what we do is taken into account. When I say I want a chill day (that means after I’ve done the washing up, put a wash on, hovered and tidied up, prepared the food for later that i may sit down for an hour to watch tv) I’m seen as lazy. When i ask them to stay at their grandmas to save me coming out to pick them up on the only evening I have free to just do nothing and relax, I’m lazy, selfish and “abandoning” my kids and should never have had them, yet when they want to go their mates house, or out for the evening and come in late, its ok to rock up at grandmas at last-minute. We currently live about 4 miles down the round from the kids schools and our family’s, all of a 5-10 min drive or a bus journey basically straight down one long road, but bloody hell you think we lived in the antarctica!!! getting the bus is such a hassle for them, Brogan especially. When i was a teenager, i had to either walk or get the bus, i just did whether i liked it or not. I’m sure i moaned about it at the time but i just got on with it, as i wanted to go out, but nowadays especially with the use of mobile phones and messaging etc the abuse and things i get said to me are quite honestly atrocious. At times like this I wish phones weren’t so easily used at is easier for them to hide behind screens and say these things, as I know (well i hope) they wouldn’t do it in person. I primarily work night shifts, and I’m not sure they really appreciate what I do and how tired I am. To them I only do 1 or 2 shifts a week, so that is easy work and i’m home all the other times, so i have it easy, but they don’t consider my sleep pattern is disrupted for a few days, or how demanding my work is. I also have a small receptionist job on a Wednesday night, but because that’s only a few hours compared to my midwifery shifts they think its easy work. The fact that I do two different jobs, as well as run the house and everything else that comes with being a mummy is not considered at all.
The other biggest issue I have, and I’m sure this is very common in many families as I know it was in mine when i was younger, but me, the Mum gets all the abuse. I’m the target, they know what to say to upset me, how to upset me and that they can say it to me. They wouldn’t dare say 90% of the things they say to me to Stuart. It’s very hard then not to get upset and annoyed with Stuart, but it’s not his fault. Being the mum is the most amazing thing but also the hardest thing in the world.
It is often the smallest thing that sets me off, and I know I must seem absolutely mental for getting so cross about it, but when you are asking the kids to be ready for the same time every morning that you have done for the last god know how many years it gets a bit frustrating, or when you leave the keys in the door for them to lock up whilst you put the toddler in the car and they just walk out and leave the door wide open and you have to go back to house and do it, it gets really, really bloody annoying. Once these little things happen, they tend to build up inside and just get worse and worse, I end up ranting and causing a big argument, when I wish deep down inside I could just shut the hell up and get on with it myself but it’s so hard. Part of this is probably due to my mental health issues, and I don’t want to blame it all on that, but it doesn’t help. Maybe I need to work on some coping mechanisms or breathing techniques to stop me getting so wound up.
I’m sorry this is quite a ranty post, but this is what i wanted my blog to be about, honesty. I want to be able to read back on this and see that i managed and coped with these things, and show other mums, dads out there that it is not all sun shines and rainbows. Please make me feel a bit better and let me know any rants that you have, and any tips to coping better with these stressful moments.